Chapter Six

OK, Finally! Here is our summary of chapter 6... What it means that men are 'visual'. Here are the main points...

Men (even if they are happily married) are instinctively pulled to look at attractive women. It is impossible for them (98% of them) to not want to look. Even if a man fights this instinct to look at a woman, he is strongly aware of her presence.

Images or 'pictures' of women are often stored in a man's mind and can pop into their thoughts at any time, whether wanted or not. These images are often sensual images that may be from their own real life experiences, or from TV, magazines, the computer, etc.

Every man's instinct is to enjoy the feelings that come with these thoughts and images. But every man can make a choice to continue to think about the thoughts and images, or to dismiss them. This choice is what separates temptation from sin. Most church-going men take this choice seriously and about half of them work hard every day to avoid or dismiss these images. Men who do not go to church are less likely to make this choice.

The desire to look at beautiful women is not always a sexual attraction. Sometimes men just admire the beauty of a woman like they would admire the beauty of a painting.

The desire to look at other women has nothing to do with your husband's feelings for you, and does not mean that he is not attracted to you. Many men hate the fact that these images pop into their minds just as much as we do!

 

What can you do to best support your husband?

Pray for him and for your marriage.

Accept your husband's struggle and try to encourage him instead of accuse him.

Encourage him to have a male friend keep him accountable if necessary.

Let him know that you want to help, and are willing to talk about it.

Think about how you are dressing. Are you tempting other men to dishonour their wives?

 

Here are some questions to think about...

1. What is this culture like for men? How often do they see women (real or images) that would draw their attention in an inappropriate way?

2. What is the difference between temptation and sin? How can I accept that my husband is tempted, and at the same time encourage him not to sin?

3. Do I make a safe environment for my husband to talk about these struggles? Would it make me feel insecure if he admitted this kind of a struggle to me?

4. Am I causing other men to dishonour their wives by the way I dress or behave? Am I encouraging any other women I know to do so? 

 

Here are some questions to discuss with your husband, if you would like...

1. Do you ever notice/think about pretty women that you see in real life or in pictures? How often? What happens after you notice them? (Does the thought go any further?)

2. Do you feel free to share your thoughts and struggles with me in this area? If not, what can I do to make you feel more 'safe'?

3. Is there anything that makes you feel more or less tempted to look at or think about these 'pictures'? (eg. when you are tired, alone, hungry, bored?) Is there anything I can do to help you in this struggle?